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GPAB

"Guns, Pills, and Birds"
◀️ Back to Work Cloud 9 Superstore logo Spokesman Scandal ▶️  Transcript Script icon

Season: Two — Episode: 3
Director: Matt Sohn — Writer: Matt Hubbard — Aired: October 6, 2016 — Viewers (millions): 5.18
Summary: Jonah refuses to sell to guns anyone he deems suspicious, Glenn buys the store's entire stock of morning-after pills, Mateo and Dina hunt down a crow that scares Garrett.

Cast

Generic nametag Episode Cast
Main Cast
Featured

Also see Season Two minor employees.

Plot

Quote
So there is someone over there that I really, really don't think should be allowed to own a gun. Or a car or a fork.
EndQuote
— Jonah

Crow-10 - Crow sightings.

In the Break Room, Amy is handing out shift assignments and Jonah gets the gun counter. He morally objects to the assignment which prompts a number of other staff to want out of theirs. Glenn sympathizes with Jonah's position as he has a moral objection to the morning-after pill which to his shock, he finds the store sells. Amy doesn't change the shift assignments. Crow-10 In the store, a crow flies in through the open front door. Jonah catches Amy buying lots of frozen pizzas for the weekend as her husband Adam will be taking her daughter Emma on a camping trip. Jonah invites her to watch basketball with him and Garrett but she is looking forward to watching movies alone.



S02E03-Amy with wine
A lot of pizza and wine for Amy.
Crow-10 Garrett is making an announcement on the P.A. system when the crow frightens him. At the gun counter, Jonah serves his first customer but is very uncomfortable, drops a pistol and ammo, screams "gun!" and ducks for cover. Crow-10 The crow is now at the Pharmacy where Glenn tries to see if Tate has a moral objection to selling the morning-after pill. Tate loves the pill and won't stop selling them. Dina, who keeps birds as pets, tries to get details of the crow from Garrett. Mateo and Garrett want to kill it but she convinces them they'll get it out of the store safely. Crow-10 The crow knocks over a Kyle the Cloud 9 Cloud stand-up. (♫ Bob Marley - Three Little Birds ♫)



S02E03-Garrett scared by crow
I'm normally a cool guy.
Jonah's next customer is a deranged man. He seeks advice from Amy and as they watch him talk to a mannequin, she agrees he shouldn't get a gun. Crow-10 The crow is now at the gun counter. A very calm man Mike asks to see a bolt-action rifle which Jonah is about to give him until he learns Mike has just been laid off. He denies him service even though Mike seems to have no intention of taking action against his former workplace. Crow-10 In an aisle, Dina and Mateo try to throw a tarp over the crow but argue over how fast they need to run so the crow gets away. At the Pharmacy, a young woman Michelle and her boyfriend are buying the morning-after pill when they are interrupted by Glenn. He tries to guilt them by showing pictures of his kids but can't get his phone to work. Glenn cuts in front of them and buys all the pills.



S02E03-Jonah service denied
Service denied!
As Amy agrees to clean-up vomit for Sandra, she gets a call from Adam. He won't be able to take Emma camping, ruining Amy's weekend. Mateo pours a trail of bird seed leading out of the store in hopes the crow will exit. Crow-10 Unfortunately, this attracts a murder of crows who fly into the store. Tate rings Glenn's pill purchase up which is very pricey. Glenn says he can't afford it and wants to return them. Tate refuses as it's illegal. Mike complains to Amy about Jonah. Amy tries to get Jonah to be more reasonable in dealing with the customers but he refuses. This combined with Adam backing out of the camping trip is pushing Amy to the brink. Crow-10 The crow at the gun counter flies away and poops on Amy. Crow-10 A murder of crows is perched on three mannequins. (♫ Mr. Mister - Broken Wings ♫)



S02E03-Crows on mannequins
This is getting creepy.
Glenn approaches Michelle and her boyfriend and offers to sell them his morning-after pills. Jonah refuses to sell to another customer who says he's calling the NRA. Garrett finds out from Jonah that he is in part refusing service to get back at Amy for assigning him to the gun counter. Glenn approaches a woman who is looking at condoms and offers to sell her some pills. While doing so, a large group of protesters with guns enters the store. In the Break Room, Dina explains the situation and everyone blames Jonah for denying so many people service at the gun counter. He blames Amy and as they start to argue, everyone groans. Mateo says they should "bang" already and Garrett supports him. Glenn asks anyone who is planning to have sex to see him and Garrett is concerned that everyone has forgotten about the crows. Crow-10 Myrtle feeds the crows. (♫ Barry Manilow - Can't Smile Without You ♫)



S02E03-Mrytle feeds crows
That's so old person!
On the P.A. system, Dina asks everyone to be quiet while she makes bird calls to scare away the crows. Crow-10 A number of crows descend towards Garrett so he hides in a tent but there is one inside already that he battles with. A woman with a rifle buys baby clothes. (♫ The Supremes - Baby Love ♫) At the store front, the customer who threatened to call the NRA is standing on a check-out counter and speaking to the NRA protesters. He decries Jonah's actions which prompts Jonah to also stand on a check-out counter and defend his right to free speech. The two start to argue and Amy finally boils over. Encouraged by a protester, she climbs on a counter. She tells both of them that they are acting like children and need to accept that not everything will go their way.



GPAB4
Be a grown up.
Amy then reveals that her weekend plans were spoiled and it's pointed out that she's throwing a fit. Crow-10 Glenn also climbs on a counter to talk about morality as a crow flies over his head which prompts the protesters to target the crow which Dina stops. Crow-10 Later, Garrett is having fries when a crow lands on the table and starts eating them. He's startled but starts to like the crow. Feeling bad that Amy's weekend was spoiled, Jonah offers to work the gun counter properly. Amy realizes his offer is because he feels sorry for her so she doesn't want him to work the counter and they start arguing. Crow-10 As Garrett is talking to the crow, Dina captures it in a bag and tells Mateo to "take care of it". Mateo whacks the bag on the ground several times and hands the bag to Dina who is shocked. Glenn has set up a stand and is selling the morning-after pills on sale.



S02E03-Garrett talks to crow
You alright.

Running Gags

  • Amy's name tag: Amy wears a different name tag in every episode. For this one it's "Rachel".
  • Crazy Customers and music: For all customer interludes and music see Guns, Pills, and Birds (music).
  • Glenn's tie: Many clouds.
  • Raccoon: Glenn mentions that a raccoon has been trying to impregnate his lawn ornament.

Cultural References

  • Garrett is keeping track of all the "crazy white people" things Jonah says which includes him watching BBC America.
  • Glenn says a raccoon is trying to impregnate his Winnie the Pooh lawn ornament.
  • Jonah tells Amy there is a Danish drama on Netflix.
  • Amy mentions wanting to watch a movie where Freddie Prince Jr. takes a beautiful nerd to prom. She is referencing the movie She's All That.
  • Glenn says the couple trying to buy the morning-after pill may just be seeing if it fizzes when dropped in a Diet Coke.
  • When Jonah refuses to sell a gun to Eric, he calls the NRA.
  • After the gun-toting NRA members arrive in the store, Dina says they are exercising their Second Amendment rights.

Trivia

Quotes

Gonna get all liquored up and promiscuous.Glenn

Gallery

Superstore Season Two Episodes
OlympicsStrikeBack to WorkGuns, Pills, and BirdsSpokesman ScandalDog Adoption DayHalloween TheftElection DaySeasonal HelpBlack FridayLost and FoundRebrandingLadies' LunchValentine's DaySuper Hot StoreWellness FairIntegrity AwardMateo's Last DayGlenn's KidsSpring CleaningCheyenne's WeddingTornado

Season2 DVD

Season OneSeason TwoSeason ThreeSeason Four
ve Dina nametag Superstore Season Two Episodes
Olympics11    "Olympics" August 19, 2016
Directed by: Ruben Fleischer - Written by: Jonathan Green

Amy gets the opportunity to meet her childhood idol; Glenn struggles to balance his excessive patriotism; Jonah discovers a secret about Mateo's past; Dina works to create a memorable closing ceremony. (Viewers: 9.67 million)

Strike    "Strike" September 22, 2016
Directed by: Victor Nelli, Jr - Written by: Jackie Clarke

A full-fledged strike ensues when a group of Cloud 9 employees walk off the job to protest the firing of Glenn. Jonah tries to help Amy negotiate with corporate; Garrett meets a gorgeous woman on the picket line. (Viewers: 5.45 million)

S02E02-Marcus cuts off thumb    "Back to Work" September 29, 2016
Directed by: Michael McDonald - Written by: Eric Ledgin

A workplace accident threatens Amy's plan to impress the district manager; Glenn tries to come off as a strict boss; Jonah tries to help Dina win over the co-workers she betrayed in the strike. (Viewers: 4.39 million)

GPAB    "Guns, Pills, and Birds" October 6, 2016
Directed by: Matt Sohn - Written by: Matt Hubbard

Jonah is assigned to the gun section of the store and refuses to sell to anyone he deems suspicious. Glenn tries to buy the store's entire stock of morning-after pills. (Viewers: 5.18 million)

S02E04-Kyle standup    "Spokesman Scandal" October 13, 2016
Directed by: Ken Whittingham - Written by: Gabe Miller

When the company's spokesperson is accused of a crime, Glenn begins to worry he should know more about his employees; Amy and Jonah challenge each other to a series of dares; Cheyenne annoys Garrett and Sandra with her baby talk. (Viewers: 4.39 million)

Dog    "Dog Adoption Day" October 20, 2016
Directed by: Betsy Thomas - Written by: Josh Malmuth

Cheyenne and Bo fight, prompting Amy and Glenn to give them advice in very different forms; Mateo and Jonah oversee dog adoption at the store; Garrett taunts Dina when she refuses to adjust his time card. (Viewers: 4.18 million)

S02E06-Staff in costumes    "Halloween Theft" October 27, 2016
Directed by: Alisa Statman - Written by: Karey Dornetto

After an apparent theft, Dina launches a store-wide investigation interrupting everyone's Halloween plans; Jonah and Cheyenne attempt to bond; Garrett tries to defend himself in Dina's theft probe. (Viewers: 4.21 million)

Election    "Election Day" November 3, 2016
Directed by: Tristram Shapeero - Written by: Bridget Kyle and Vicky Luu

The store becomes an official polling place; Dina and Glenn are stuck in a cover-up; Mateo hides his undocumented status. (Viewers: 3.58 million)

Seasonal    "Seasonal Help" November 10, 2016
Directed by: Geeta V. Patel - Written by: Jackie Clarke

Glenn hires Amy's husband, Adam for extra help during the holidays; Jonah and Garrett grow frustrated with the seasonal temps; Glenn looks for the perfect store Santa. (Viewers: 5.19 million)

S02E09-BF crowd    "Black Friday" November 10, 2016
Directed by: Victor Nelli, Jr - Written by: Eric Ledgin

The staff comes down with food poisoning; Jonah documents the day with home video; Glenn's disposition changes; Mateo and Cheyenne discover a lucrative Black Friday side business. (Viewers: 3.79 million)

S02E10-Lost and Found bin    "Lost and Found" January 5, 2017
Directed by: Jay Chandrasekhar - Written by: Sierra Teller Ornelas

Amy walks away with a huge wad of cash from the lost and found bin and is pressured to spend the money various ways; Dina and Garrett deal with their fling; Glenn tries to stave off staff depression. (Viewers: 4.43 million)

S02E11-Rex fingers up    "Rebranding" January 12, 2017
Directed by: Bill Purple - Written by: Matt Hubbard

VP Rex brings a rebranding and is part of Jonah's past, Dina hunts a snitch, Cheyenne hides discounted products. (Viewers: 4.33 million)

S02E12-The Charhouse    "Ladies' Lunch" February 2, 2017
Directed by: Todd Biermann - Written by: Vanessa Ramos

Glenn accidentally tells the employees the real reason Amy has been late to work lately. Meanwhile, Dina tries to cheer up Amy by kidnapping her for a "ladies' lunch". Jonah and Garrett invent a game to pass the time, tricking Glenn and Mateo in the process. Cheyenne helps Amy take a fearless step with a dramatic new look. (Viewers: 3.99 million)

S02E13-Miles dancing    "Valentine's Day" February 9, 2017
Directed by: Tristram Shapeero - Written by: John Kazlauskas

A well-intentioned Amy and Glenn get caught up in the Valentine's Day spirit, quickly learning what happens when you try and force love. Meanwhile, Jonah goes undercover to try and catch a serial shoplifter and ends up getting closer to her than Dina would like; Mateo begins to unravel as Sandra's relationship with Jeff takes a new turn. (Viewers: 3.54 million)

S02E14-Brett and Sam enjoy the cold    "Super Hot Store" February 16, 2017
Directed by: Michael Spiller - Written by: Joe Barrasas

A store-wide heater malfunction magnifies angry tensions between Amy, Jonah and the Warehouse employees after both sides refuse to clean up a spill; Dina and Garrett get close. (Viewers: 3.67 million)

S02E15-Amy and Emma hooky    "Wellness Fair" February 23, 2017
Directed by: Alex Reid - Written by: Owen Ellickson

Amy sees Mateo out on a secret date with Jeff; Glenn resents Jonah for outshining him on the store's Wellness Fair; Dina tries to prove Amy faked being sick; many relationship secrets are revealed. (Viewers: 3.51 million)

Integrity    "Integrity Award" March 16, 2017
Directed by: Linda Mendoza - Written by: Gabe Miller

Jonah accompanies Amy on a trip to help her mom and dad move out of her childhood home. Glenn desperately wants to win the new Cloud 9 Integrity Award but starts to worry that Garrett has a better chance of winning. Dina tries to take advantage of Mateo's relationship with Jeff to fix problems in the store and Cheyenne gets caught up in Glenn's self-serving campaign. (Viewers: 4.17 million)

S02E17-Mateo and Cloud 9 sign    "Mateo's Last Day" March 23, 2017
Directed by: America Ferrera - Written by: Jonathan Green

When Mateo faces complications with his transfer to a Cloud 9 Signature store, he becomes desperate to resolve his undocumented status. Amy helps Glenn battle an Internet troll, Jonah and Cheyenne try to give Mateo legal counsel, and Dina and Garrett take issue with corporate over their relationship. (Viewers: 4.15 million)

S02E18-Sturgis family    "Glenn's Kids" April 6, 2017
Directed by: Ruben Fleischer - Written by: Sierra Teller Ornelas

Glenn invites all of his kids to the store causing disorder among the employees. Jonah develops a romantic interest in Glenn's 25-year-old daughter, and Amy gets caught in the middle. Garrett, Dina and Cheyenne struggle to keep track of one of the toddlers and Mateo tricks the kids into working for him as he grapples with life after Jeff. (Viewers: 3.08 million)

SpringCleaning19    "Spring Cleaning" April 20, 2017
Directed by: Geeta V. Patel - Written by: Josh Malmuth

Amy and Garrett embark on an investigation as they sift through abandoned photos during the store's spring cleaning. Jonah goes out of his way to befriend Glenn in hopes of gaining his approval in dating his daughter. Cheyenne's fiancé Bo starts working at the store for some fast cash, taking advantage of Dina and Mateo's store knowledge. (Viewers: 3.15 million)

CheyennesWedding11    "Cheyenne's Wedding" April 27, 2017
Directed by: Michael Weaver - Written by: Vanessa Ramos, Bridget Kyle, Vicky Luu

It's Cheyenne and Bo's dream wedding, but not everything goes according to plan. Relationships unravel as Amy and Jonah confront their feelings. Glenn tries to change Jeff's mind after learning of upcoming layoffs, Dina talks her way into the wedding party and Mateo dodges Jeff throughout the wedding. (Viewers: 2.77 million)

S02E21-Brett and tornado    "Tornado" May 4, 2017
Directed by: Matt Sohn - Written by: Justin Spitzer

Everyone in the store is on edge as Glenn tries to figure out which employees to lay off. Jonah struggles with the fallout of an admission he made to Amy, Garrett and Dina spar, and Mateo forms alliances to keep his job. A tornado warning goes into effect at the worst possible time, forcing the staff into uncomfortable groups. (Viewers: 2.91 million)